Language warning! 

I’m being careful how I write this as to not come across as overly revealing or disrespectful. But I want to talk about the wounds that are left when our parents don’t give us what we need as kids. When they’re emotionally immature or unavailable. I almost titled this “Daddy Issues” but the truth is, I’ve got “mommy issues” too. 

Growing up, I didn’t know I was loved. Looking back, I see how fiercely I was loved. But due to being abused, around so much chaos, etc, I didn’t know it. And that left scars. I grew up looking for love, acceptance, and validation in all the wrong places. When my abuser came into the picture, I didn’t know I was being abused because I didn’t know what love looked like. 

Fast forward to my mom passing away. There was so much complicated grief. Grief of losing her, yes. But also grief of never resolving all the anger I carried towards her. Don’t get me wrong, I had a good mom who did the best she could. But, I believe raising kids is a learning process and sometimes those kids get hurt in the process. 

Fast forward to now, I’m carrying that same resentment towards my father. Again, did he do the best he could? Yes. But. Did he leave emotional scars and voids, also yes. Two things can be simultaneously true – someone did the best they could and it still wasn’t what a person or child needed. 

This post isn’t to talk negatively about either of my parents. But I do want to talk about wounds that parents can leave. Let’s say you were never abused. There can still be abandonment wounds from maybe an absent parent. Neglect would from emotional needs not being met. Just so much and each situation may be different. 

But what I mainly want to highlight in this post is how these wounds are internalized. How we tend to feel like “well if I wasn’t loved, it’s because I didn’t deserve it.” When in reality, that isn’t the case at all. All kids deserve to be loved, heard, appreciated, all the things. 

I’m writing so you, reader, can know how deeply valued you are. Not just by God but by the world. I mentioned in a previous post how everyone is needed in this world, and that stands true here as well. 

Love yourself. Value yourself. And choose people that choose you. 

Also, here’s a poem I wrote about some of my struggles with my “parent wounds” 

“Everyone says it my choice

But I refuse to lose my voice 

Screaming through the pain

Gaslit, I go insane

In the darkness you leave me 

Wishing you would see me 

Denying me your love 

“Get it from up above”

Bullshit ass excuses 

Making me feel useless 

Worthless and alone

Because you’re never wrong

Questioning myself 

Maybe I need some help

I feel a little lost right now 

Want to be done with you

I’m stuck right now

Because I really love you 

No one I put above you  

Slowly I feel a change

Happiness turns to pain 

And love, it turns to hate 

Maybe this is my fate 

The tears, they have dried up 

You no longer empty my cup

But that voice I tried so desperately to find

Goes silent, from you, my burdens I hide 

Back into the darkness I go 

Was up above, now I’m below 

Back into that deep despair

Because I know you’ll never be there”