A lot of y’all who follow me on social media before know that I’ve started and stopped blogging not once, but twice. For me, my shame got in the way. I posted some stuff I was going through, but not the most painful stuff…not the stuff that really mattered. There is still a lot of stigma surrounding mental health, especially when it comes to sexual trauma. Sure, I shared about my anger and all that stuff. But what about my wrestling with God (a fight I’ll never win, by the way)? I talked about how I was promiscuous in the past, learned behavior from my abuse, but was scared to talk about how I still struggled in those areas. The thing about shame, though, is it grows in silence. It grows in isolation. So I am here to say, no more.

Another reason I stopped blogging is because I felt like I was always online complaining about my life. I felt like I had a “woe is me” mindset when it came to my posts. And let’s be real, who wants to hear that all the time? No one. But that’s why I want this time to be different. I want to take the light off of my pain, and shine it on the way God has helped me overcome it.

I’ve been waiting on my healing journey to be over to write more. But if we’re being honest, that journey is never over. When I was younger it was always, “my journey will be over when I get this degree.” Then it was “It will be over when I get married” (still hasn’t happened by the way). I finally came to the conclusion today, after doing well for a while and then feeling like I was regressing again, that the journey will never be over. Healing, grief, trauma, they aren’t linear. There’s never a tidy bow on top. But I have progressed a lot. And I do feel called to share my journey and testimony so that others are not left feeling alone and can come to know love and hope the way that I have.