I thought about a lot of different titles for this post, including “Out of the Box” and “Relationship Over Rules.” But when it came to me, “Love Over Legalism” seemed like the best fit.

I’ve struggled with my relationship with God and beliefs as a whole for a while. I even (very, very briefly) went as far as saying I did not believe in God. It’s honestly been a struggle because sometimes I don’t know what to believe. On one hand, the world and people are just too complex and beautiful to have been created by accident. On the other hand, a lot of things I have been taught just don’t make sense to me and border on harmful. So this is how I feel now:
I still believe in God. I still believe in Jesus. But as I said, some things just don’t make sense to me. And if I’m being honest, I don’t necessarily think it’s the Bible that I don’t agree with, but the way man interprets it and manipulates it. For example, men condemn people to hell for being gay, but are quick to say “well God forgives” or “that person still loves God” immediately after they rape or murder somebody. While God may forgive and all that, why are people louder about victimless sins than they are about sins that lead to destruction and pain?

Anyways, this is not about being gay or any of that, so I’ll try not to stay on that soapbox for too long. I’m just saying, we focus so much on legalism, on rules, on putting ourselves and our beliefs inside of a box, that we forget God’s number one commandment – LOVE.

For a really long time I tried to force myself to feel a certain way and act like I believe the way everyone else does because I wanted that sense of community. But honestly, I’m kind of over that. A friend of mine always says that if your beliefs cause harm, you need to change your beliefs. And that’s where I’m at. The way I have believed and looked at God my whole life has done nothing but add to my shame, pain, and confusion. Frankly, I’m tired. This is not to say I don’t want or have a relationship with God or Jesus. I still most definitely do. I’m not willing to give up on that again, but I’m done putting myself in a box just because that’s what I’ve been taught to believe.